Her

So I'm not as elequent as my sister when it comes to writing. She just has a way with words that can just suck you in. Even in the most mundane of subjects! But today I'm not worried about that. Today I had my heart broken one more time.

As many of you know my daughters father is... well... he's a dumbass. I'm not suger coating too much.... but i just can't help it. Thats they way I am. Anyways, a few days ago I gave my daughter some updated pictures of her father. Cause the one she had... and cherishes... is from when she was a few months old. So I gave them to her and she absolutely loved them. She carried them around with her for the whole day. She probably would be continuing carrying them with her, except she left them at my moms house. Which I'm actually grateful for. So she was looking at them and asks me where her daddy is at. I say my usual, "He lives in Arkansas now baby." And she looks up at me and says, "I want to go live with my daddy." Of course I'm immediately upset by this. She stands up, crawls into my lap, and she says, "I'll come back to live with you soon. I promise." And the only thing I can think at that moment is, "You fucking bastard."

I have forgiven him many things in our years together. I forgave him leaving me a few times. For lying to me... for drinking... for almost everything. But I CAN NOT forgive him for breaking her heart. For fucking thinking that he had a future in Arkansas, away from his family! I mean seriously what a dumb ass thing to do. I'm sorry for these next few sentences... but they were how i felt.
I loved him. I loved him so much I took him back when he dumped me after i got pregnant. It may have been cause we had a child together but who knows. Anyways, I loved him all the way up to a month after he moved to Arkansas and I knew he was never going to be coming back for her. Not for me, not for his friends who were like family to the both of us, but for her. Cause all she knows is that she adores her father, but she doesn't know him. She 'knows' that he loves her, but she can never, NEVER count on him for anything. And she has no idea when she is ever going to see his face again.

I can never forgive him for that. For breaking our daughters heart. Many will say that she is better off without him. But I want any of you saying that to think, could I have lived without my father?? I will never forgive him for that.

oops

Sorry I haven't been on for a while. I got in trouble for not writing. Hmmm... so what should i write about today. It's friday and I'm sitting at home doing laundry. Good old laundry... hehe... I need to get it done though before my dad kicks my butt. Oh well. Its getting there... thank god. So today was a fun and exciting day... nothing happened! Well not yet anyways and I'm hoping nothing does happen cause this late in the day it would probably be nothing good. I did finish listening to a book today at work. I listened to the whole Twilight series now. Its really good. I liked it alot. Actually I obsessed over it for a while... and i still might be. I'm contiplating on writing a blog on it.  Wouldn't that be funny? So my good friend doesn't want to come over to hang out with me cause she's a lazy butt... so I'm sitting on line talking to her. God I don't want to go to work tomorrow... but i have to. So sorry but this is going to be a short blog. I think later tonight after I put a certain munckin to bed i'm going to write some more. Hopefully.... seeya!

Me

Well this is my first time ever doing a blog... so we will see how this goes. My name is Courtney. I am a 25 year old single mother. That is the easiest, hardest, and best part of my life. I work in an office building full of women who i absolutely love working with... most of the time. lol. My resolution this yea is... i guess... well the classic to lose a few pounds, and to take a good look at how i was living my life and adjust some of my ways. For the better I hope. Hey I might just become a church going soccer mom. Well maybe not the soccer part, or completely chruch going. I'm gonna start small and work my way up. Anyways... thats about all I can think of right now. I'll try not make this my personal crying pillow but there might be days that I just need to vent. So sorry in advance.